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Autism, ADHD, sex and me

When Caitlin was helping sex and intimacy coach, Lisa-Jane, to practise her sex-lecture talk of the above title, Lisa-Jane spoke about how some people really need to schedule sex for the morning, before their heads and bodies are too busy processing their experience of the day. She talked about how some folk struggle to make informed consent decisions that take into account the consequences of their actions, as well as the actions themselves and how all people can take shared responsibility for this aspect of sex. Lisa-Jane brought up the link between neurodivergence and what can be known as the world of ’kink’ and how, a little like Dungeons and Dragons, games with rules that are followed, can be much more engaging and safer for people who can’t always make quick sense of the complexities of consent. 

The talk and ensuing conversation wasn’t lewd or embarrassing, it was straightforward, sensible and illuminating. Caitlin had so many insights about issues she’d heard about from clients, conversations with friends and relatives and indeed, her own needs, barriers and misunderstandings, that it seemed this knowledge and these discussions needed to be shared.

In Caitlin’s usual spontaneous way, she asked Lisa-Jane if she would co-design and co-lead a programme where interested individuals, parents, teachers, coaches and other professionals could explore these topics in a small safe group and deepen their understanding of themselves and others.

So here it is! A fabulous, insightful mix of theory, self-reflection, uncovering hidden beliefs and patterns, getting curious and respectfully learning from one another. 

We will all be exploring our own relationship with our neurodiversity, our neurodivergence and how our needs and patterns might impact others. We’ll look the ways we have been making, maintaining and breaking relationships - and how these discussions might help us make better, more informed decisions

Themes with include, but are not limited to:

• What’s worked well for us in the past
• What hasn’t worked so well
• How we know what we want
• Beliefs and patterns that we’ve got around intimacy
• The conditions required for us to give informed consent
• Sensory seeking versus sensory avoidant behaviour
• Strategies for how we’d like to advocate for our needs

As well as these themes there will also be space for this group to develop themes of significance for you.

Clean Language questions help us to be able to enquire into another’s experience while protecting them and us from any assumptions or projections we may be making. This will help us to develop an atmosphere of psychological safety - and if someone makes an assumption or a mistake, we will patiently explore that together. We’ll be particularly mindful of confidentiality given the private and personal nature of the topic.

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